battle of the bowels
by coral crayon 26
Summary: Candace has kinky plan for her 3 year anniversary with Jeremy, but a bad mix of medicine and "mints" could turn this into a very foul and rancid evening for them.


**I OWN NOTHING. PHINEAS AND FERB IS OWNED BY DISNEY. THIS IS A FANFICTION AND THUS FALLS UNDER FAIR USE.**

It was a normal day for Candace Flynn, her new form of normal anyway. She finally did bust her brothers last summer, but rather than getting punished or brainwashed like her dream(or perry's dream if you wanna get specific) their mom was amazed at their prowess and the boys were starting their summer semester at the Danville university for gifted minds for a month. It was more of a compromise of what she wanted and dreamed so it all worked out, and better yet this meant she had a fresh new summer to do what she wants. She could make new friends( she up to a whopping 5 friends), had more free time to focus on getting her college applications prepared, could hold a job working at slushy dog( her quick skill made her assistant manager in just 3 months), and best of all she was able to go on more frequent dates with her boyfriend Jeremy. Things were really looking up for Candace, and whether today's doctor's visit would change that or not was about to unfold

"Well Candace, I've got some bad news", Doctor marsh stated

"Don't tell me it's more stress", Candace said with a slightly annoyed tone

"Well no, you've kept your levels very normal, it's something else", marsh said, looking over his charts

"Well this can only end so well", Candace exclaimed

"Pardon my bluntness Candace but have you been having any bathroom troubles lately", marsh said

" getting kind of personal aren't you doc", Candace said with a shocked tone

"Candace, I'm your doctor. I've performed surgery on you, I've seen you naked, and I had to help deliver you when you were born, I think it's clear by this point that you can tell me anything, Doctor marsh stated

"I guess you got me there, I have felt kind of woozy lately but there hasn't been any blood or diarrhea, but when I do let it all out, it's in a massive load. Also, I've only had to go every 2 or even 3 days but I thought nothing of it" Candace explained

" well I took some tests and it turns out you have a unique form of constipation, the amount of excrement builds up immensely in your body overtime, it's not fatal but it could lead to bowel problems if not treated, so you'll have to take this special medication for the next 2 weeks" marsh explained, handing Candace a bottle of pills

"Really, just some pills. No surgery or anything", Candace asked

"Just the pills, oh and it's best you don't take any medications like laxatives since the contents of the pills could amplify their effects" marsh explained

"Okay, just stick to these, got it" Candace finished

4 DAYS LATER

Candace was searching through her closet in frustration, talking with Stacy on the phone about what to do

"Uhhh, this is a nightmare Stacey, my anniversary date with Jeremy is tomorrow and I don't know what to wear"

"It is a special occasion, being your 3 year anniversary, there's got to be something that'll work"

" but I've worn everything in the closet half a dozen times already"

"Can't you buy a new outfit?"

"I wish, I don't get my paycheck till after our date, I'm just lucky he's the one buying dinner"

" you think you've got clothing issues , my sister ruined my whole wardrobe when her fireside twerps tried to earn their ti di badges"

"Sounds rough"

"Uh yah, ya think?!"

" Oh Stacy, what am I going to do, our anniversary has to be something we'll never forget"

" I know I know, are you sure you have no clothes on you that you haven't worn before?"

" I told you I…wait a second, no clothes on, THAT'S IT!"

"Candace what are you talking about…oh no, Candace don't "

" it'll be like that episode of coupling "dressed"

" yah, the one where she flashes all the guests because she didn't think ahead"

" well unlike Jane, I have thought ahead"

"really?"

" yep, I know what restaurant we're going to, the movie we'll be seeing, and that my house will be free since my brothers and perry will have their summer course, and my parents will be on a business trip to Utah before my date"

" but why would you want to just wear…oh no, your not"

" oh yes I am, it's the perfect anniversary gift"

"Candace, there are so many thing wrong with this plan"

" like what?"

"For one, you know he'll suspect something if you're just wearing a coat and shoes and then just ask him to your empty house. Second, how will you know he's even ready to take that step. Third, what it that crazy girl Susie finds out and somehow makes your coat disappear or something. And oh what was that last one, oh yah: YOUR GOING ON A DATE COMPLETELY NAKED!"

" calm down Stacy, I've got this covered. I told Jeremy I've got a big surprise at the end of our date so he won't question the coat, we've been dating for 3 years so I think he's at least open to it, Susie was sent to boarding school after she tried to lock me in an old movie set, and I'll make sure I keep myself covered till I make my big reveal"

" I know I'm not gonna talk you out of this so good luck, but don't bother calling me if things go wrong"

"Relax stace, I got everything covered"

THE NEXT DAY

Candace was naked in her bathroom, getting ready. She was shaving her body and putting on lotion to make sure she felt as good as possible when they starting touching. It was always strenuous to keep her body looking good for her man, but tonight it was gonna be worth it. Candace was putting on her deodorant and perfume when the alarm on her phone went off.

"Huh, time to take the pill"

While it wasn't too bad that she had to take her pill to keep her body in check, what was bad was the taste. Even for a pill you swallow with water it tasted awful. She managed to hold it down with gum and mints, but she was sadly all out.

"There is no way the best night of my life is gonna be ruined by an awful taste, I bet mom has some mints in her room"

Candace walked towards her moms room. She felt pretty naughty walking around her house in the nude but she didn't care, especially since she was home alone. Besides, things were gonna get even naughtier for her later. Candace searched around her moms drawers and dresser until she found alittle bottle in the drawer next to her bed.

" Maximus, for all those rancid scents and uncomfortable moments, now with green apple flavor. Just what I need for my date"

Candace took about 3 pills to make sure her breath was fresh enough for their date. After she popped the "mints" she got a text from Jeremy

" hey sweetie, B there in 20, ? luv U"

" luv U 2, get ready 4 a surprise you'll never forget tonight"

Candace giggled a bit as she sent the text. She walked back to her bathroom to finish up. After a few minutes of putting on lip balm, brushing her hair, and shaving her private spit carefully, she heard the doorbell ring

" Candace, I'm here"

"Coming"

Candace put her razor away and grabbed her coat. It was a nice black coat with a few pockets( if you saw the coupling episode I mentioned earlier, It looks just like that). She had to make sure it covered the top of her shoulders to the very bottom of her hips, she wouldn't want her boyfriend to get a sneak peek at her surprise. She quickly got her best heels on and rushed downstairs to the doorbell.

She opened the door and saw Jeremy in a clean pressed tuxedo, holding a bouquet of flowers

"Hi Candace, I got these for you"

"Awww, thank you, they're so beautiful"

"I knew you'd like them, so you ready to go?"

"I'm all set"

" I'm just asking cause I thought you would wear more than a coat, seeing how this IS our anniversary after all"

" oh trust me Jeremy, it's all part of my big surprise, you'll see"

"If you say so, we better get going, I got us a great reservation"

" let me guess: turkey express, now with extra gravy train"

"Cute but no, it's a new place called the sea kingdom, it's very high class"

It was about 10 minutes before they finally got there, Jeremy had ordered a large shrimp cocktail and some bass, while Candace ordered a fresh lobster and a lot sushi( she missed breakfast because she overslept and lunch because she was getting ready)

"Wow Candace, you really are hungry"'

"Yah, you know you picked a great place, I'm not the biggest seafood fan but this is amazing…."

Candace stopped as she felt a massive shift in her body. It was deep in her body and she felt her insides shift as the feeling moved deep towards her butt

" you okay there Candace?"

" yah I'm fine, it's just a cramp"

They received their bill after 15 more minutes of crab and shrimp. Jeremy went to pay as Candace had to use the bathroom. As Candace made her way to the toilet, a enormously loud and wet fart exploded from her anus. She felt her cheeks vibrate and the seat getting moist from her gas.

" oh man, what was in my meal, or was it…the mints"

Candace took out her phone and looked up the product she ate. It turns out what she ate weren't mints, they were laxatives.

"OH NO!"

Her doctor had warned her about this. She was so reckless and didn't bother to check the contents of the bottle. Now she had a ticking time bomb of dump building up, and on her anniversary date with Jeremy. She couldn't cancel the date now, not after all her hard work. She just had to try and get as much out of her before they head back to her home and get him to pass out before she blows. It was risky, but she was naked in public and spent an hour applying lotion to her body, she was not going to bail now. While Jeremy was lighting up a bit by the entrance she was trying to push out as much gas as she could. She was worried that nothing solid or liquid was coming out, but she knew she had to keep going regardless. She kept on going until she felt no more sharp pain. She then proceeded to wipe her butt and wash her hands. She walked out just as another woman began to walk in, after a few seconds she could hear the girl shouting "EWWWW" and "OMG this toilet is so groooos". She couldn't help but blush a bit that she could produce such foul essence.

"You ready to go?"

" sure, let's get going"

The two headed over to the theater for the film(they were going to see a reair of pinocchio). Candace was worried, as the laxatives could take effect at any was good that she didn't eact much today because she was getting ready all day, at least it would be if she didn't pig out on fast food and snacks for a ducky mo mo TAS marathon (one of the things she wanted to do this summer) which pretty much turned her stomach into a ticking time bomb, and the laxidents were the light to the fuse. After they got their tickets and got to their seats, candace was starting to feel gassy again but tried to hold it. Jeremy wrapped his arm around her and she snuggled up to him as the movie started. It was moments like these that made all the hard work worth it. She felt like she was in a place of bliss when she was with him. Sadly, that moment of bliss came to an end as she felt a sharp pain in her stomach, signaling her that another bubble of gas was close to her cheeks.

"Uh, I gotta use the bathroom again"

"Again, are you sure you're okay candace?"

"Trust me jeremy, i'll be fine, I just need a few minutes"

"Well, okay then"

Candace then started to walk out until she was out of jeremy's sight, then bolted to the bathroom at the other end of the theater hall as fast as she could, too fast in fact. She was running so fast that she tripped over her heel and fell to the floor. As she was getting up, a little boy was behind her and noticed that she wasn't wearing underwear. He quickly took out his phone and started taking pictures of her bare butt. Candace immediately noticed him and blushed bright red.

"What are you doing?" she screamed.

But the kid and a few other preteens were huddling and taking pictures. Candace was wondering why they were still taking pictures if she already got up, and then it hit her. Her pupils shrank as she looked down, and saw that the fall undid her coat, leaving it wide open her breasts and "bush" were fully exposed to these kids taking pictures. Candace let out a loud scream as she realized that stacy was right about her plan. Once she got over the ironic shock ,she grabbed the phones and started deleting all her nude pics, but just as she was about to delete her last butt pic, she then remembered why she was running as her gas began to build up yet again. She dropped the phone and bolted until she finally made it to the bathroom. She was thankful that it was empty. She made it to the first toilet, took off her coat(to prevent lingering smells or possible stains) and released an insane amount of gas from her bowels, one of the longest in her life. Candace was then welling up a few tears of embarrassment. Even if (she thinks) she got rid of the photos, she was still embarrassed that pre teens saw her boobs and cave, the ideal worst type of kid to see her. Right before she realized what they would do with her photos or the memories of seeing her, she got a text from Jeremy.

"Are you okay, because if there's anything you need, I'll help you out"

And candace started to smile. This was what she needed, a reminder that no matter how bad things got for her, Jeremy would always be there for her, and a reminder as to why she risked this coupling scheme in the first place. She texted that she was okay and would be back soon. She then stood up straight, spread her cheeks apart, and right as another woman walked into the bathroom and closed the door, a massive fart exploded from her, with distinct moistness and an awful smell. After she let out a sigh of release, she put her coat back on, washed her hands, and left without noticing the other girl in the bathroom. After she left the bathroom, the woman checked the toilet candace sat on, there the lingering smell of her gas was at it's strongest. It was so bad that she nearly passed out.

Candace made it back to the theater and snuggled up to jeremy as the film started.

2 HOURS LATER

Jeremy was out smoking one last cigarette as candace was getting some gum by a vending machine inside. Unbeknownst to Jeremy, Candace was taking a few birth control pills to make sure their love had no more risks other than candace dumping while they were banging.

"You know you should really stop smoking"

"Yah I know, i'm gonna quit once this pack is gone"

"Here, have some gum, I don't wanna taste cigarette when i kiss you again"

"Thanks, let's get going, it's getting late."

He threw the cigarette to the ground and they walked to the car. Candace felt the laxatives start to take full effect. A loud gurgle erupted from her stomach but Candace managed to hide it. The drive home was mostly silent, Candace trying her hardest to keep from farting in the car. After a few more minutes of driving, they finally arrived at candaces house. Candace was debating with herself right now. Would she just kiss goodbye and have him head home after all her hard work, or would she risk the contents of her upset stomach to be released so she could have the best night of her life with the man she loved. She already came this far, it was worth the risk.

"So I guess I'll see you tomorrow then babe" Jeremy said

He leaned in for a kiss but Candace held her finger to his lips and gave him a seductive gaze.

" I haven't shown you my surprise yet"

"Oh right, well let's see it"

"You'll have to come inside with me first"

"What for?"

"You'll see"

They both stepped out of his car and walked inside her house. It was still as empty and quiet as when she left it. They both headed upstairs towards candaces room for the big surprise.

" so about the surprise…?"

" it's right here in my room"

She opened the door and led him into her bedroom. This was her last chance, is she closed the door now then there would be no turning back, any stomach based consequences she would have to face would be her own fault. Once he was all the way in, she closed and locked the door, sealing their fate.

"So where's the big surprise?"

"It's right here"

Jeremy turned around as Candace finally took off her robe, exposing to Jeremy all of her naked hourglass figure, baby soft skin, her quadruple D breasts with cherry pink nipples, her curves and wide hips, her massive bubble butt, and her completely shaven "cave". Candace could tell Jeremy was getting turned on by his tightening pants and a certain "arrow pointing right towards her.

"SURPRISE!"

But Jeremy just stood there in aww at her nude body. Candace was starting to feel a cramp in her stomach but she ignored it the best she could.

"So, you like what you see?"

" yes"

"I can tell"

"What do you mean?"

"Your little friend is pointing right at me"

Jeremy got the hint and looked down and saw his buldge, his face growing red as he tried to cover it to avoid embarrassment.

" hahaha, it's fine Jeremy"

"Hah?"

He wasn't really listening, he was trying to stop his little friend, but Candace walked up to him, grabbed his hands, leaned forward, and have a deep passionate kiss. Jeremy embraced in the kiss and pulled her forward, his garments bring the only thing separating them at this point. He got so in to it, that he unintentionally moved his hands down her waist and started grabbing her butt. Candace gave a little Yelp but she kept on kissing. After about 2 ½ minutes of making out, they finally stopped to breath.

"That was great Candace"

"And we've only just begun, there is one problem though"

"And what would that be?"

"You're way too overdressed"

"Well allow me to fix that right away"

Candace walked over to the bed while Jeremy was pulling all his clothes off. Once he was fully naked he hopped into bed with his lover.

" glad you could join me"

"Well my dear, may I do the honors?"

"You may, just be gentle"

Jeremy climbed on top of her, looked at Candace to make sure she was ready, and penetrated her hyphen with a thrust. Candace was muffling the screams with her pillow, and after about 3 minutes of crying, she nodded at Jeremy to start thrusting. He started off nice and slow, trying to savor the moment. Candace was starting to Moan from the pressure, it was a feeling that she had never felt before. Jeremy them grabbed and started to squeeze and pinch candaces breasts. Candace bit down on her finger to keep herself from alerting the neighbors with her moans. Jeremy's thrusts began to get stronger and stronger as the sensation of pleasure was flowing through their bodies. Then suddenly, Candace was starting to feel a fart coming on, a wet and likely very loud fart that she couldn't just let out. Thinking quickly, she pulled Jeremy in for another kiss, making sure to cover his ears as she pushed as hard as she could, releasing a very loud and wet fart, a fart that was strong enough to make yoga pants vibrate. Candace just kept pushing more and more to make sure all the gas was out. But just as she was letting out the last of her gas, she felt felt a very wet and liquidity mass inside her lower stomach, the pills had taken affect and Candace had a massive load of dump that needed out, badly. Candace knew that the load was massive, and that one wrong move could release the load in one foul swoop. If she dumped all over the bed, she knew it would be the end of her relationship. If she left for the bathroom now, Jeremy would likely believe he was too small or something or that she didn't like it. She didn't want her man to feel insignificant, but she didn't want to pull out until they came, which suddenly gave her an idea

After their kiss, Candace quickly flipped them over, putting her on top. Now that she was dominant, she started thrusting in and out as fast as she can. She figured if she made them reach their orgasm fast enough, then he would tire out and she would find peace with the toilet. Jeremy just thought she wanted more pleasure, so he started to spank and squeeze her butt, which actually really helped. After a few more rapid thrusts, she felt her and her lovers juices coming out in rapid succession. She made him climax without a second to lose, as she felt the dump was almost to her splintcer, but just as she was about to bolt for the bathroom, she unfortunately was stopped by Jeremy grabbing her wrist.

"Uh Jeremy, what are you doing?"

"Candace, you've given me a great time, and I wanna repay you"

" but can't this wait, like 20 minutes?"

"Candace I'm drowsy and I wanna give this too you while I'm still here with you"

"Well okay"

"Good, now you turn around and get ready for my surprise"

Candace did what he said and turned around. Candace couldn't hold in her load much longer so she was praying he would be quick. And without warning, Candace dove his hips right into her butt, and immediately started thrusting as hard and as fast as he could. This was bad, very bad for Candace. Her dump was on the brink of coming out and Jeremy was doing her in the one position that made this even harder for her. Her only option at this point was to wait until he came again, but seeing how he still felt hot inside her butt cheeks it was clear he wouldn't cum for a while. All Candace to could do at this point was hold her cheeks together and pray he cums fast. Candace began to moan in pain at the pain she was feeling in her rump, but Jeremy mistook it for pleasure and started pounding even deeper. Candace had never had to hold in this much dump for this long in her life, and the constant thrusting from Jeremy wasn't making things better.

"Candace, I'm close"

"Me too"

But she wasn't close to cuming, she was close to spewing all over his crotch. She tried to hold it in but the load was too strong.

"I'm gonna… Uhhhhhh"

" I'm not gonna make it" Candace thought, and her thoughts were confirmed as she felt the last of her strong fade away and the flood gates open

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo" Candace said as the poo that was held inside her all night was finally released. It was spewing out of her butt like a hose. It was hot and very moist. It was more than Just goo. She felt solid mass and clods of it spewing out of her like a hose. She felt as if her stomach was deflating like a balloon. As much as she hated to admit, she felt an insane amount of relief as it was coming out. After 3 ½ minutes of dumping, she had finally gotten it all out. As soon as she stopped, Candace began to burst into tears.

" Jeremy, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I was so gross and foul and I just feel so disgusted and and…"

When she looked over to him, she saw he was asleep, he was covered in her dump from the waist down but asleep

"Uhh, he must have passed out right after he came, which was right before I blew, I'm SAVED"

Candace had a huge grin on her face, knowing her relationship was safe, but the smile quickly went away as the scent of her load had finally reached her nostrils. It was the foulest most rancid thing she ever smelled. She quickly moved her hand to her grimaced face, reminded of the woman at the restaurant who smelled her gas.

"Ewwwwww, that is so gross."

Candace then thought through her experiences over the night. The gas, the women, the kids, and how happy she and jeremy were when they were love making.

"You know what, it was worth it!"

Candace proudly exclaimed as she lifted Jeremy off the dump covered bed, dragged him to her bathroom to wash him off, and put basically her whole bed in the wash to get both the evidence and the smell out.

"Guess it's the couch tonight"

She finished washing off Jeremy's lower half with lots of soap, water, and a little perfume to get the smell out and set him down on the couch, and proceeded to climb in and snuggle up to him, planting kiss on him before falling asleep in his arms, after letting out one last fart.

THE END


End file.
